Bar jokes

A man walked into a bar...

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that thebar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later thevoice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over."Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender.  read more »

Aussie kiss

Q. What's an Australian kiss?
A. The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!

Out All Night Drinking

An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.

"So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"How did you know?" he asks.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

Gorilla in the pub...

Everyone was amazed to see gorilla came in to pub. Gorilla asked bartender for martini and passed 10 buks, bartender was shocked but served drink and was watching gorilla enjoying martini... Bartender returned dollar in change to Gorilla and said: "You know... we don't get many gorillas in here...".

And Gorilla replied: "9 buks for a drink... I'm not surprised..."

Not anymore...

Once John came back home late, drunk and slept right away.{#emotions_dlg.sleep} His wife Ann, while taking off his cloth, found used condom in his pocket... She was upset Yell and stuck condom right into John's budd while he was sleeping.

Following week John came back home early and was not in the mood... Ann could not understand what's happened and ask him:

- John, why don't you go out with your friends for beer anymore? Undecided

John thought for a while and replied:
- They are not my friends... Not anymore... Not anymore... Frown