Bar jokes

All Lawyers are Assholes

A guy in a bar stands up and says, "All lawyers are assholes."

Another guy stands up and says "Hey...I resent that..."

The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

The second guy says, "No. I'm an asshole."

I Thought You Were My Wife

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand upher skirt and began fondling her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife.  read more »

5 Stages of Being Drunk

Stage 1 - SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe.

You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen.

At this stage you are always RIGHT.

And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG.

This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

S  read more »

Drunk and Arthritis

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day.

He sat down next to a priest.

The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket.

He opened his newspaper and started reading.  read more »

2 Drunk Guys

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply.

The first man then asks: Where are you from?

I'm from Ireland, replies the second man.

The first man responds: You don't say, I'm from Ireland too!  read more »
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