Your Mama's So Ugly

*she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she was hit with the ugly log!

*kids dress up as her for Halloween!

*she makes blind children cry!

*you could stick her face in dough and it would make monster cookies!

*I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."!

*if you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would be next to it!

*people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen!

*people hang her picture in their basements to scare the rats away!

*she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning!

*her shadow ran away from her!

*I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application!

*I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a pay check!

*people at the circus pay money not to see her!

*she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork!

*that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!

*that she went to an ugly contest and they said "sorry no professionals"!

*just after she was born, her mama said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."!

*her face is closed on weekends!

*her dentist treats her by mail-order!

*she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back!

*the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

*when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks!

*when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her!

*that if ugly were an Olympic event, she would be the dream team!

*when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes!

*they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty!

*she's never seen herself 'cause the mirrors keep breaking!

*she looks like she's been in a dryer filled with rocks!

*she looks like she got hit with a bag of "What the fuck?!?!"!

*she hurts my feelings!

*she gets 7 years bad luck when ever trying to look at herself in the mirror!

*Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

*even the elephant man paid to see her!

*even the tide won't come back in!

*that if ugly were a crime, she'd get the electric chair!

*your dad takes her to work just so he doesn't have to kiss her good-bye!

*when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows!

*they rub tree branches on her face to make ugly sticks!

*she has to trick or treat over the phone!

*she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares!

*my dog took one look at her and ran away!

*her pillow cries at night!

*she has a sign in her yard that says "Beware of Dog."!

*that when she was a baby, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot!

*you're dad first met her at the pound!

*when she was born, the doctor slapped her and her parents!

*she tied a pork chop around her neck and the dog still wouldn't play with her!

*if she were a scarecrow, the corn would run away!

*it looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym!

*they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints!

*when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains!

*when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras!

*she has to creep up on water to get a drink!

*her mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her!

*they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars!

*they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!

*she practices birth control by leaving the lights on!

*we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation!

*the psychiatrist makes her lie face down!

*Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant!

*her face is like a peice of modern art you can't tell what it is!

*Medusa is jealous!

*her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel!

*she could scare the moss off a rock!!

*she has to creep up on her makeup!

*it looks like she's been bobbing for french fries!

*when she was born the doctor smacked everyone!

*when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming!
Average: 4.6 (10 votes)
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