What is the fastest thing you know?...

An office manager was looking for new employee. He called four candidates and asked, "What is the fastest thing you know?"

First man replied, "A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

Second man said: "Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer.

Third man: "Well, When I flip switch at my dad's ranch, the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

The last man replied, "After hearing the three previous answers, It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
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Jonah and the Whale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small.

The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

The teacher reiterated a whale could notswallow a human; it was impossible.

The little girl said,  read more »

Tail Light On Bike

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.

The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there.  read more »

Your Mama's So Ugly

*she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she was hit with the ugly log!

*kids dress up as her for Halloween!

*she makes blind children cry!

*you could stick her face in dough and it would make monster cookies!

*I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."!

*if you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would b  read more »

Smartest Man in the World

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.  read more »