you so ugly...

you so ugly that when your mom droped you off at school she got a ticket for littering


Q: Did you hear about the new automatic parachutes, invented by a blond?

A: They open on impact.

Rodeo Position

Two guys in a bar are discussing "positions" so one tells the other, "Well my favorite is the rodeo!"

and the other says, "What's the rodeo?"

"well, first you get your wife down and start to do her doggy style, then when you're halfway done, you bend over and whisper in her ear, 'you know, this is your sister's favorite position too' and then try to hold on for 8 seconds!"

Missappropriated Churchill Quote

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman.

She takes one look at him.

"You, sir, are drunk!"

"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

Men Are Like

..Placemats.They only show up when there's food on the table.

..Mascara.They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

..Bike helmets.They're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.

..Government bonds.They take so long to mature.

..Copiers.You need them in reproduction but that's about it.

..Lava lamps.Fun to look at it but not all that bright.  read more »